I have spent this past week thinking about the question, “What helps you stay present after you’ve said yes?” I keep returning to my physical sensation of softening when I allowed myself to be present to all of my feelings. I didn’t require myself to do anything more than notice the different feelings showing up in the moment. Acknowledgement of their presence seemed to quiet my nervous system. Perhaps consent is not just an intellectual idea but a physical one as well. 

Thinking more about offering my physical consent as well as my mental consent has led me to wonder about power and the relationship between my mind and my body. For the first half of my life, I lived as if my mind and body were two separate entities and I definitely privileged my mind over my body. 

When I think about consent from the perspective of an unequal power situation, my consent has not actually been consent at all. Rather, it’s compliance. This could explain the tension in my body at staying present. Taking my bodily sensations seriously and including them in my decision to say yes (or no!) to presence makes all the difference. When I think about giving my consent as a full-bodied experience, it is not a metaphor.  It is a call for a holistic mind and fully embodied experience. Of course, this too affects the quality of my felt sense of presence. 

Standing in my power and feeling my energy course through my body to and from my head fully allows me to be present. As I sit here writing this piece right now, I can feel a difference in both my mind and body. There is an openness. I’m allowing rather than complying. My mind is in partnership with my physical and emotional bodies. My body is not an object that my mind consults after making the decision. My body is part of the self that makes the decision.

I can feel my strength and my excitement. My breathing is easier. There is more space in my chest. I feel energy moving through me rather than holding it back. I notice that I’m not trying to convince myself to be here. I am here. And I want to be.


Months ago, when I started this newsletter, I was primarily focused on stories and how we can change them for our own and other’s betterment. What I’ve recently come to know is that stories were the portal through which I entered a much larger and more powerful exploration. I’m most interested in what circumstances and environments (both internal and external) facilitate transformational growth and change. 

Writing and deeply exploring this issue for myself and sharing my experience with you, I realize that transformational change occurs in the space of relationship with self, with others, and with what people consider transcendent. This is what is most fascinating to me these days and this is what I will keep exploring and sharing with you. 

Are you fully consenting or are you complying?